As a kid/teen, do you remember how sex was “it?” It was almost as forbidden as a curse word to say lol. “Everyone’s doing “IT,”” was the popular peer pressure quote. Well, I wasn’t so I knew EVERYONE couldn’t be but what was so great about “it?” Why DID it seem like everyone was doing “it?” Curiosity killed the cat simply means don’t step into unnecessary danger or experimentation just to “find out for yourself.” I’m not sure that anything in my life quite illustrated this like sex. Initially, I thought my choice to stay a virgin was because of my dedication to the Lord and the respect for my future hubby but the Lord showed me (of course years later) that hadn’t been the case at all. See, being a virgin was actually an idol for me. I flaunted it (and myself) going around acting like I was better than other women who weren’t and showed off my “boyfriends” who chose to be with me in spite of it. We all know what God does with idols, right? I felt accomplished though because I waited until I was 19, which was longer than any of my friends and most of my family. What did I really accomplish though? NOT A THING. Unless a miscarriage, a STD, a lot of sleepless nights, tears, rape (that I barely remember) and a broken heart count as accomplishments, I lost a very special part of me and got no sense of “accomplishment.”
Now, as I celebrate almost 5 years of celibacy, I realize my “reward” was the experience. Every single one of those situations happened because of choices I made BUT were turned around for my good because of how AMAZING and MERCIFUL our Daddy is. I use those experiences to “turn my pain into purpose” through Beyond the Tears Foundation and inspire other women to “..forget those things which are behind and reach forward to those things which are ahead, press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Jesus Christ” (Philippians 3:13). Most of us have that “defining moment” when we come to or come back to Christ. Unfortunately, my moment involved me sitting on my bed taking a morning after pill. I was too drunk to completely remember the night before but I knew deep down what happened and that was the last straw. Not only did I begin to redefine myself through His word, I began to redefine sex. Originally, I disconnected sex and love. If we had sex, we couldn’t be in a real relationship. If I felt like we really stood a chance, we couldn’t have sex. I believe my upbringing without a father and abusive men attributed to this view. So, sex was more of a ploy to “use what I got to get what I want” type of thing. HUH?! Exactly. That was NOT how God intended it to be! That was not how I wanted it to be anymore. That became my main reason, second to pleasing/serving God with my body, for my celibacy.
Another reason I became celibate is that I realized taking a piece of someone and giving a piece of yourself is REAL. I know I picked up certain attitudes and character traits from people I slept with and it took me years to work through them, which is still a constant struggle. Last, but certainly not least, with all the women continuing to have sex, they didn’t seem any happier or more fulfilled than I did. I mean think about it. There’s typically more drama because of the emotions and you can still end up single so what do you gain? I may as well just wait minus the sex and drama/pain on the side lol. Of course you can still be hurt in courtship but it’s on a different level. I need you to understand what goes on in my head and the condition of my heart before my pants because people typically don’t get past that once it starts. I’ve had people ask me how I survive and I look at them like, “You know I wake up, go about my day, and then go to bed just like you haha.” Does it get tough? Absolutely! I don’t make light of that but I’ve been on both sides so it’s worth it to me. We’re human but you can literally do anything you put your mind to and it’s all about the desire and purpose. Pleasing God is more important than pleasing Elena. I’ve learned that anyone I date and my future hubby (if I’m called to be married) has to have this embedded in their heart as well, which gives them an understanding that it’s about protecting them as much as me. As of now, I spend my time throwing myself into purpose and the Lord. I read, fellowship, exercise, work on the foundation, travel, spend time on hobbies and volunteer as much as possible. If you don’t feel you know your purpose or have hobbies to tend to, it looks like you may need some “me time” dates. My prayer and my hope is that if it be His will, my husband be the next and last person I share that experience with just as He intended, with sex and love.