Beautiful Beyond the Pain
December 16, 2016
Why Celibacy?
June 23, 2017
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Here we are approaching another Valentine’s Day and guess what? I’m STILL single. Guess what else? I’m SATISFIED  with that. Why? Well, the first reason is when the day comes I am in a courtship or marriage, I want EVERY day to feel like Valentine’s Day so this little holiday won’t be as big to me. The next reason is I know that entertaining and putting up with someone for the sake of just saying I have someone isn’t worth it. Been there, done that. The last but probably most important reason is a mate COMPLEMENTS me but does not COMPLETE me. I’m already complete through Christ and the purpose/passions He’s given me to pursue RIGHT NOW in my singleness. So, how does Satan fit into all of this? Well, 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” That’s why he hasEVERYTHING to do with it! Singleness, especially around/on Valentine’s Day, is the PERFECT time for him to start plotting and planning. He wants to see where the door (your heart) is open to plant seeds that will take you out! I mean some of the posts I’ve read and things I’ve heard have really saddened me. You would think singleness is a terminal illness. Do we really only “worship/love” the Lord because we expect Him to give us a spouse, car, job, house, healing, a platform? Then, once He does (or the enemy does and we think it’s God), we’re done, right? I get tired of people pimping my daddy and treating Him like a genie. We go to church, pay our tithes, pray, volunteer, and “try to live right.” So we wonder, where’s our blessing? That’s legalism, not a true relationship. There isn’t a lesson plan or 5 step process to getting your blessings. His word gives us guidance on the way we should live and serve Him but the Holy Spirit is with us constantly to direct, convict, and help us.

Do you remember when your parents gave you money for your report card or took you to your favorite place because you did your chores plus some? It was their choice as to how often or even at all but they did it because they wanted to show us that obedience produces fruit. Whether or not He chooses to “bless” us and in whatever way, is TOTALLYand COMPLETELY up to Him. You can speak whatever you want into existence but if it’s not in His plan (and you desire His will be done), it’s not going to happen. That includes a spouse. Listen to me. There are WORSE things than being single on Valentine’s Day like… Losing a child. February 11, 2011 made me despise Valentine’s Day for the next 3 years because of all the pain and memories it returned. A man was the LAST thing on my mind. What about losing a parent? This young lady lost her dad and she was a daddy’s girl. So, every birthday, Valentine’s Day, and even those “just because” days, he took her out and treated her like a princess because he wanted to make sure she knew. Valentine’s Day is painful for her because she misses her dad. Meanwhile, she’s scrolling her timeline to see all the complaining about not having a “bae.” I don’t tell you this to condemn you or make your feel bad. I tell you this because I want you to see the tricks the enemy is playing on your mind; shoot, mine too sometimes! For me to pretend as if I don’t have hard times and question if I’m enough would be unfair. I’m human, female, and in a place where sometimes I do feel like I have “everything but a man,” BUT I know my Daddy has NEVER failed me and He won’t start now! I know it gets hard but one thing we HAVE to understand is romanticism is NOT the only way we give or get love! It’s not even the most important. The greatest love we’ll EVER get no man can give or take away.

On the other hand, we’re built as relational people. So, go to a nursing home or children’s shelter. Share the gospel through your gift of song, dance, acting, etc. Take a cooking class or go to the spa because self love we so often neglect for others. You can even make cards or special treats for your family. This is ALL love. I’m in awe sometimes of how messed up I am and how I disrespect and neglect God YET He runs after me, graces me, protects me, and shows mercy on me anyway. The place that He belongs in your heart can’t be filled with anything or anyone else. Now, are we wrong to desire marriage? Of course not! Unfortunately, it’s become more of an idol than a true godly desire because of the way it is promoted and taught. If you align your will with His, then you’ll know. The real deal is this: Our reward is NOT “I do” but “Well Done.” The reality is we are all not called to get married and if we are, it’s in HIS timing and with HIS purpose. Yes, marriage has a purpose other than a big wedding with cute babies and happily ever after. It’s a huge responsibility because now, you’re responsible for more than just yourself. HOWEVER, pray about your “list” and “qualifications” for your mate too. Some of us are missing it because we’re too worried about the WRONG things. Back to the regularly scheduled program… You know what the great thing is though? Singleness has a purpose too! So, the longer enemy can keep you distracted about what you don’t have and what someone else does, the longer he can keep you away from what someone else is waiting on you to do. My sista, without your King, you’re still a Queen. My brotha, without your Queen, you’re still a King. We’re children of the Most High so prepare yourself with purpose for His kingdom, with or without a spouse. If discovering your purpose is a pain point right now, pray, seek God, and start with your passions. It usually lies there. Remember, ” The Lord appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.”-Jeremiah 31:3