I Almost Gave Up
December 20, 2015
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...I was in a dark hole that was slowly closing in on me that most people around me didn’t see. He brought me out, stuck by me, and has been my strength ever since.

Here we are guys! After months of running, I'm doing as I've been led. I titled this blog to truly represent who I am and just how imperfections can actually strengthen you. So follow me on this journey. I've had people ask what happened to me. I wish there were enough words to actually describe it but Psalms 18:2 says it best. “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” See, I was in a dark hole that was slowly closing in on me that most people around me didn’t see. He brought me out, stuck by me, and has been my strength ever since. You know I’ve always heard, “7 is the number of completion.” I didn’t believe it until that week. 1 week… 7 days… I went before Him and poured my heart out. I laid everything I had in me at His feet and I left it there. I left the drinking there. I left the prescription painkillers there. I left the lying and deceit there. I left the miscarriage there. I left the street-running and partying there. I left the abuse and assault there. I left the suicidal thoughts there. I left the guilt and insecurities there. I left people bondage there. I left it ALL there. On the 7th day when I came out of prayer, I’m sure you could knock on my heart and hear a hollow sound. I had never been so empty yet so full!

Now, I wish I could say since then life has been peachy and going just as I expected, but I’d be lying. The path of righteousness is NOWHERE near easy but it’s so worth it! Am I perfect? HA! That’ll never be true. I actually feel inadequate quite often but Philippians 3:13, “…forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.” Do I still screw up? I sure do and forever will I’m sure. You know what’s great about it? He knows yet He still loves me, protects me, still cares for me, still desires to spend time with me and so much more! What greater love?

I write this as transparent as I know how to tell you Jesus saves. He’s faithful and will never leave you nor forsake you. He’ll do just what He said He will do. However, there are some things He requires of us such as a willing heart, repentance, obedience, sacrifice, and love. Love Him with all of your heart, your soul, your mind, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. See, even though I grew up in church and knew of Him, I didn’t truly meet Him until that week. Though it doesn’t eliminate trials and struggles, it makes them easier to have someone fighting for and with you. Someone who you can cast your cares upon. Someone who loved you enough to give their ONLY son for your sins you couldn’t carry. He doesn’t expect perfection. He expects progress. I know it gets hard and sometimes, you just want to give up. So when you do, think on Matthew 11:28; 30, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Be encouraged brothers and sisters. God loves you. I love you. We'll never be perfect but we can strive to be better each day.